changes. . .

I have never been fond of change. I live through it but I wouldn't say that I embrace it. I am flexible - but I don't long for it like other do.

Today I am going to school for a meeting about our new contract. I can't believe that I am going to be teaching another year of high school - that makes 7 years. Yikes! We have a new superintednent, a new princial, and a new schedule. Talk about the potential to cause a bit of anxiety in myself and my colleagues. This change however, seems to be more confirmation that I am READY for a change. I want to be a physician. My prayer right now is that God would guide me down the best path and keep me motivated. I feel motivated from time to time - but I need that TOTALLY INSPIRED -GOD GIVEN - catapult me into outerspace kind of motivation. God - do You know what I mean?

I am working on chapter 5 of a gazillion chapters that I have to study for the MCAT. Embryology. I am glad to be there since it means that I finished Cellular Metabolism - which was a mental hurdle for me. I get it though - now - can I just remember it and apply it in a unique situation. God - Please be my memory - be my thinking - be my EVERYTHING. I am NOTHING without YOU. That is certainly the message that spoke to me while I was in Africa this last trip. I am nothing - just nothing - without Him.

On the worship front - I led worship a couple of weeks ago - and I was really excited about it. The band even seemed to have a skip in their step. The congregation, however, did not engage. I am having a hard time using my words to lead them to that place of worship. Why - do I not read enough, pray enough, converse with You God enough? I know you want more of me. Why this struggle - I get really pumped when the church body gets pumped - its a positive feedback cycle - God - what do you think? What are my next steps? Do you still want me to lead worship?

My friend I** dropped by this week to have my sister frame his artwork from Africa. I think he is a real gem of a man - but not exactly what I am looking for - but you never know. Anyway - I practiced talking with him and having a man as a friend. I hope that more opportunies come my way so that the dream of wife and mother and adoptive parent become a reality.

God - thanks for listening to me - I really do love you with my heart. I am sorry for the times that I am confused or lazy - please help me to keep becoming the girl - the woman that You want me to be. Love you. Tracy